So I couldn’t write the past two days — my father had medical emergency on Friday, and since then I’ve been at the hospital with him. Thankfully, the doctors managed to apply a temporary solution again, and he got discharged this morning.
I really don’t know how to feel right now. I’ve been trying to take care of him, but under all the circumstances, I sometimes wonder if I’m doing enough. I honestly feel like a bad son at times... maybe if I had been physically there all the time, I could’ve done more.
Hospitals really drain me emotionally. Every time I’m there, I feel dizzy — mentally checked out. But still, I’m trying. I hope by the end of this month, we’ll be able to go ahead with the planned surgery, once his blood thinners are managed properly.
Not sure why I’m writing all of this here — but I guess this journal is for my memories, my space. I’ve been thinking of writing less frequently now, just updating the journal occasionally for important things or reflections but not sure though cause i love to write this journal everyday even if the all days journal had same content of my day
Right now, I’m feeling like I’m slowly losing connection with family and friends... but still, I’m grateful to those who stay. I get it — everyone has their own struggles and paths. This whole transition feels intense, but soothing instrumental music, calm piano, and ambient sounds have really helped me stay grounded and keep thinking clearly, finding my own way through it all.
Also, I noticed something that brought a smile — I got a new follower on the site today. It’s L. Thank you so much! I saw it in blog profile, and I know you’re the one who always checks in on my journal entries, even if most of them are just repetitive day-to-day things. I really appreciate that more than I can say.
I even tried to follow your blog back too around 3 months ago, but for some reason I still keep getting a Page Not Found (404) error — Not sure if it’s an issue on my side or something with the link. But thank you again — it really means a lot.
I don’t even know why I’m writing all this and uploading it to the journal, but yeah... maybe this is vulnerability in itself, or maybe I just don’t know what this is. Just documenting life, I guess.
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